Posted by: Justin Wallace | April 19, 2010

When I’m tired…

I’m tired! Not the kind of tired that a good nights sleep will remedy…the kind of tired that takesplace at the end of another awesome, long school year.

I trust you know the kind of tired that I’m experiencing.

In the midst of my being tired I’ve been thinking about this question ::

When I’m tired what are the first things to suffer?

Here’s my list of things that I’ve noticed are suffering right now ::

1. God Time

I get so tired that I don’t want to write, read, pray, listen, meditate, think, etc. I try to read and my brain is scattered, hazy and wandering. So, I just don’t. I neglect it. I put it off. I try to avoid it.

2. Family

I still go home at the end of a long day but I’m not really home. Do you know what I mean? I just sit and stare. I’m not fully present. The TV is on ESPN and I don’t even hear what the guys are saying. I just drift off into oblivion. And my family suffers. My wife and son don’t get all of me. I’m there…but I’m not there.

3. Discipleship Relationships

I’ll sit in front of someone and try my hardest to listen but 10 words in I’m gone. I yawn. I drift. I day dream. I think about the next thing I’m going to say rather than hearing what they have to say. My questions are shallow at best. And I know they know it…I know they see right through me.

4. Friendships

I know I need friends but honestly I don’t have enough time or energy for another relationship. We go out to dinner and all I can think about is trying not the fall asleep and landing face first in my food. When we’re out to eat I usually catch myself looking over their shoulder staring through the television. I love my friends…but I’m not a very good friend.

Here’s the deal. I don’t have an answer for this. I just thought I would share so that maybe you would know you’re not alone. God has been speaking to me despite my tired state…he’s been reminding me a lot lately that he meets me in places like this. He’s in the midst of my tired. He’s in the midst of my mess. He’s there with me. He pursue’s me even when I try to isolate myself. And He’s my strength when I’m weak. He’s my rock. He’s my rest even when rest seems like a far off dream. I’m so thankful for a God like this. A God that loves me despite lack-luster effort.

I pray that God gives you a sense of rest over the next 4 weeks. I pray that God gives you strength when you feel too weak to keep your head off your plate of food. I pray that he gives you quality time with your family. I pray that someone comes up to you and thanks you for all the hard work that you’ve put in. I pray that you and I can finish well…pouring everything we have left out into the lives of the students in our lives.


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